Punk Band Releases Vinyl That Smells Like Famous Actress’ Vagina

In a move five years in the making, punk band Private Function have created “scratch and sniff” variant of its new album that is scented like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina.

We know you’re confused and we’re here to explain it all.

Who Are Private Function?

Private Function, the Australian band behind the project, has garnered attention outside of their home country in recent years thanks to some creative marketing and album titles.

Their 2019 debut, St. Anger, borrowed from the much-maligned Metallica release of the same name. In 2023, Private Function dropped another LP titled 370HSSV 0773H (Hint: Flip your screen over to read that one).

The past six months have been huge for the band. Not only did they open for Green Day during three dates of The Saviors Tour in March, but they also released a new album called ¯_(ツ)_/¯ on May 23. 

Album Inspired By Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Candle

Private Function announced four vinyl variants in the weeks leading up to the release of  ¯_(ツ)_/¯. Three of the choices offered different color variations while the more expensive fourth “goopy” variant was promised to be scented.

After days of secrecy around the scent, Private Function guitarist Lauren Hester shared a video on the band’s Instagram where she revealed the album “smells like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina.”

The idea was sparked from a candle the actress marketed as part of her Goop line in 2020 that was named “This Smells Like My Vagina.” The candle was a hit.

“We immediately tried to buy one, but due to the overwhelming demand, it sold out instantly,” Hester says in the video. “They now sell for over $700 each.”

She goes on to call the whole thing “classist” while explaining that the band thinks that everyone should have access to the smell.

What Does The Actually Album Smell Like?

Hester claims the band got in contact with a perfumer in France who was able to recreate the distinct scent from Paltrow’s candle. The list of scents that make up the concoction allegedly includes:

• Geranium
• Bergamot
• Cedar
• Damask Rose
• Ambrette Seed

Private Function then worked with a record plant to add the scent combination to a limited edition pressing of their new album.

A record that smells like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina has so far proved to be just as popular as the trailblazing candle. The $150 Goopy variant is already listed as being sold on Private Function’s website.

For those who missed out, you can still grab a copy of _(ツ)_/¯ in two different color variants that just smell like plain ol’ vinyl. The album, however, does come with a Private Function-branded magnifying glass to view the “world’s first microscopic artwork” on the cover.